HUMOR

Creation In Reverse

In the end, man destroyed the heaven that had been called earth. For the earth had been beautiful and happy until the destructive spirit of men moved upon it. This was the seventh day before the end.

For man said, "Let me have power in the earth," and that he saw that power seemed good, and he sought those who bring him recognition: "weaklings," compromisers, appeasers. And this was the sixth day before the end.

And man said, "Let there be division among all people. I will divide the nations that are for me and the nations which are against me." And this was the fifth day before the end.

And man said, "Let us gather our resources in one place and create more instruments of power to defend ourselves, the radio to control man’s minds, the draft to control one’s bodies; uniforms and power to win men’s souls." And this was the fourth day before the end.

And man said, "Let there be censorship to divide the propaganda from the truth." And he made two great censorship bureaus to control the thoughts of men; one to tell the truth he wishes known at home and the other to tell only the truth he wishes known abroad. And this was the third day before the end.

And man said, "Let us create weapons which can kill vast numbers, even millions and hundreds of millions at a distance." And so he perfected germ and biological warfare and deadly under water arsenals, guided missiles, great fleets of warplanes and destructive power to the extent of tens of thousands of millions of tons of TNT. And it was the second day before the end.

And man said, "Let us make God in our own image. Let us say God does as we do, thinks as we think, wills as we will, and kills as we kill." And so man found ways to kill with atomic power and dust, even those as yet unborn. And he said, "This is necessary. There is no alternative. This is God’s will."

And on the last day, there was a great noise upon the face of the earth and man and all his doings were no more and the ravished earth rested on the seventh day.

A Preacher On His Death Bed

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer, both members of his church, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed.

The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments.

They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves... and that’s how I want to go."

"God Speaks" billboards

—Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game. –God-

—C’mon over and bring the kids. -God-

—What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn’t you understand? -God-

—We need to talk. -God-

—Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer. -God-

—Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -God-

—That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it. -God-

—I love you and you and you and you and... -God-

—Will the road you’re on get you to my place? -God-

—Follow me. -God-

—Big bang theory, you’ve got to be kidding. -God-

—My way is the highway. -God-

—Need directions? -God-

—You think it’s hot here? -God-

—Have you read my #1 best seller?

There will be a test. -God-

—Do you have any idea where you’re going? -God-

(And Finally...)

—Don’t make me come down there. -God-

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR FUNDRAISER!

Teach the youth how to create, design and print their own parish youth newsletters. Ever have great ideas on how to create a newsletter or give input for your parish bulletin but don’t know how to put them on paper? SMC will hold classes on Desktop Publishing: just think how you could help design great things for your parish…